Moving Up

I moved myself up to the middle row in my Bikram Yoga class yesterday.

No fanfare, no ceremony...just a lack of available space in the back row and a bold spirit.

I wondered if the other students in the class thought anything of it. After all, each of the three rows in the room carries with it an expected skill level: novices in the last row, intermediates in the middle row, advanced in the front row. Previous to today, I had always considered the students in the first two rows as practiced yoga masters-in-the-making.

Unfortunately, a self-defeating thought would follow quickly: there is no way I will ever be good enough for that. Hence, I always occupy the back row, preferably right underneath the air vent. Not that the warm breeze makes it any cooler; it just offers more circulation, which "feels" cool in a 99+ degree room.

Surely the instructor wondered what had taken me so long to move up. I have only been there on a weekly basis since about September. Sorry...slow learner here.

There are expectations of those in the upper rows, as I mentioned above. Not so in the back row. It is the easy row. I like the back row, for some of the same reasons I like the back of the bus and the back of the classroom. No one is looking at you, judging you. You can lose your balance frequently and everyone just expects it. You can breathe heavily, bend your elbows at inappropriate times, or just sit or kneel while everyone else works their butts off through the poses. Or, if you happen to be late, you can sneak unobtrusively into the back row, which would be much easier except for all the mirrors.


There are many perks that come with the back row. But, as with everything else, there is a major trade off: the challenge. Or, at this point, the lack thereof.

I can't go back to the back row anymore. Now I am a self-promoted intermediate student. In the middle row, you are expected to have better balance, stronger pose, and correct breathing. After all, the students behind you are watching you, mimicking you. This is one of the crucial ways to learn. That's quite a bit more pressure than being able to slack off in the back row. You are actually passively responsible for the novices. If you use your right leg in Eagle pose when the instructor said left leg, you are possibly affecting the pose of those students behind you.

Ooooohhh...the pressure.

Furthermore, I will have to perfect my balance. Some of the poses, like the Balancing Stick pose and the Standing Bow pose, take so much concentration to keep my leg locked that I sacrifice the other necessary elements. I can't be falling out of my pose in the middle row.

I will also have to do something about my shaking appendages during the two Locust poses. I know I shake because of muscle fatigue. But, let's face it, I work out almost every day of the week. I can't deny the fatigue.

I find many of the poses enjoyable now: Awkward pose, Eagle pose, Half Moon pose, and of course, Savasana.

Other poses, however, are still a source of struggle with balance and the flexibility of my knees. I will attempt all of them, with the exception of two. I will only do the Fixed Firm pose through the second step, which leaves me sitting between my knees while everyone else is on their backs.

And then there is the Toe Stand pose. It starts with a Tree Stand pose, which I can accomplish with no problem. I can find peace in that pose all day long if I have to. I just am not capable at this time to bring it all the way down to the Toe Stand, for fear of collapse, or injury, of my knees. Last time I tried, my left knee hurt for the next ten days. I can't have that during running season.

With my newly self-appointed position in the middle row, I will now have to challenge myself to complete that pose and perfect the others.

I will never say I can't...because "can't" does not exist in my vocabulary.

I will never say I won't...because I sincerely want to be able to do it.
Maybe my center row position will push me along toward the goal of completing the Toe Stand pose, and others for which my balance and strength are a bit lacking.

All I know is that before I can move up to the front row, I will have to get all of those poses perfected.

If you would like to learn more about the 26 Poses of Bikram Yoga, check out http://www.yogiclogic.com/bikram-yoga-poses.php