Life has been quite hectic. I view the last year of my life as my personal "40 days in the desert". Yep, Christ had it much worse than I. He had the devil himself shadowing Him, tempting Him and taunting Him. Then, when He was done with that, He was still beaten, abused, and made to carry, hang, and die on a cross.
No cross for me. And thank you, Jesus, for hanging upon Yours so that I am saved.
Nonetheless, my "40 days" have seemed like an eternity. I have seen the devil peddling his wares at my doorstep: I have been taunted, tainted, tempted, reduced, hated, questioned, overwhelmed, doubted. My children as well. If not for the significant others in my life (you all know who you are!) dragging me back to reality and forcing me to see who is really in charge, I would not be in quite the position I am in.
A good position. I retain an ability to reflect, to rejoice, to give thanks.
I am on somewhat of a short sabbatical now. Solo in search of understanding. Life, peace, grace, meaning. A means to try to make sense of where I have been so that I can pursue where I need to go. Where He wants me to go.
Driving has always been for me a source of calm. And always calm-ER when I am alone. I am alone now. Plenty of alone for the next five days.
YAY!
My six hour drive to my Thanksgiving destination was not as productive in reflection as I would have hoped....until I arrived at my destination. Apparently, reflection was taking place in the background without me knowing. Churning and kneading my thoughts, my emotions, my needs, my wants.
As I settled into my hotel room, it poured from me faster than I could get the computer open and record it all down.
Top 13 Underrated Travel Experiences (no particular order...may come in a future post)
1. hot shower
Living in an apartment always leaves you open to just taking what you can get. Hot water has been a precious commodity the past 4 months, particularly living with 3 other teenagers/adults.
2. Walmart on every corner
Like McDonalds...but when I needed yet another glue kit to re-stick my rearview mirror to my windshield, Walmart in Edna, Texas was there.
3. open door to a large body of water
I love the water! I am drawn to it, moved by it, energized by it. The rage of the Gulf of Mexico pounding within earshot fulfills me.
4. alone time
I am a loner. And not ashamed of that. I need it; crave it. I get crazed if I can't get enough of it. Only with alone time can I think, truly feel, process, intuit. Understand.
5. soul companionship
I once had soul companionship...or so I thought. That has been shattered of late. Not sure if it will ever come again because I have yet to re-define what it means to me.
6. free WiFi
Need I say more...
7. screw top wine bottles
I hate it when I forget to check for the screw caps on the wine bottles. In another life, we wine-drinkers used to poo-poo screw tops as cheap, pedestrian. Now if only I can remember to seek them out....
8. coolers
I'll take my turkey cold cuts, jalapeno cheese, and yogurt over drive-thru any day.
9. a big ass truck in high winds at high speeds (vs. a motorcycle or moped)
Saw quite a few motorcycles trying to lean into the wind over the Queen Isabella Bridge/Causeway. Certainly glad to not have to envision myself as roadkill on the freeway as a result of a strong wind gust.
10. (did I mention the sight and sound of open water?)
11. a freshly renovated hotel room
Glad to see that some establishments know what is really important. Even though I WAS a bit worried as I approached my room.
12. good musical variety
Good music is one thing. Good musical variety is refreshing, moving, envigorating.
13. A laptap, warm breeze, and the sound of open water
Combine that with #12...perfection.
Light of day is fading...can't wait for tomorrow.
Saturday, November 19
Monday, September 26
Dating in a New Age
It struck me today that, for the most part, I am almost single again. I haven't been single in well over 25 years. I thought for the longest time that I would never be and was more than willing to accept that with all it brought on.
Life has a funny way of turning things around.
Everyone who knows me knows that I have absolutely no intention of ever marrying again. It's not the commitment that I can't tolerate. Instead, I find I can't trust them anymore. Men, that is. Too many years spent guessing and wondering. Too many years quietly watching actions constantly contradict words, professions, obligations, unspoken hopes and dreams. Not just mine; the children. The family.
I sort of feel sorry for any man who comes into my life after this point. I am not the same woman I used to be. No longer the trusting soul, willing to accept unquestioningly. My mind churns in the background no matter what I tell it, how I try to persuade it to calm down. Part of me wants to go back to the time when I was so blindly in love with my husband. But the other part of me heckles me..."foolish girl!" How could I be so naive to believe in that fairy tale. I try not to lump all men into that category but I can't help it.
Bottom line: I really don't want to hurt anymore. But, at the same time, I don't want to seclude myself from the possibility either. I cling hopeful that maybe the Lord, in his mercy, has someone else out there for me. But, would that really be mercy?
But, I see as I go through this journey that the show will go on. It must. After all, I need that connection, that touch, that stability. While I love thinking of myself as a rock unto myself, I know that I am not. Sure, I have many VERY GOOD friends. God has been gracious in that respect.
OK, so I start dating at some point. The last time I dated was in college. Late 80s. Things were quite different then. Not only in terms of age, but of culture. You knew you had a boyfriend because he asked you to "go steady" with him. Maybe you wore his ring, or his jacket. He met you after class and carried your books or walked you to your car.
That was then. This is now. How is it done now? Not only that, but how do adults do that? How does that type of relationship even get established?
I asked my daughter. She gave a range of responses. She said sometimes the guy will ask the girl to "go out with him." Other times, it just becomes something that is assumed after a guy and a girl talk alot and become close friends. Taking it to that next level just comes naturally.
So much ambiguity. So much grey. Leaving too much room for manipulation, deceipt. And, before you know it, there I will be back in that same boat I just spent so long trying to get out of.
Is it all worth it? I am not sure I have the stamina for it. I am not sure I have the tolerance for it. I am not so sure I want it. On the flipside, I want it so badly.
Life has a funny way of turning things around.
Everyone who knows me knows that I have absolutely no intention of ever marrying again. It's not the commitment that I can't tolerate. Instead, I find I can't trust them anymore. Men, that is. Too many years spent guessing and wondering. Too many years quietly watching actions constantly contradict words, professions, obligations, unspoken hopes and dreams. Not just mine; the children. The family.
I sort of feel sorry for any man who comes into my life after this point. I am not the same woman I used to be. No longer the trusting soul, willing to accept unquestioningly. My mind churns in the background no matter what I tell it, how I try to persuade it to calm down. Part of me wants to go back to the time when I was so blindly in love with my husband. But the other part of me heckles me..."foolish girl!" How could I be so naive to believe in that fairy tale. I try not to lump all men into that category but I can't help it.
Bottom line: I really don't want to hurt anymore. But, at the same time, I don't want to seclude myself from the possibility either. I cling hopeful that maybe the Lord, in his mercy, has someone else out there for me. But, would that really be mercy?
But, I see as I go through this journey that the show will go on. It must. After all, I need that connection, that touch, that stability. While I love thinking of myself as a rock unto myself, I know that I am not. Sure, I have many VERY GOOD friends. God has been gracious in that respect.
OK, so I start dating at some point. The last time I dated was in college. Late 80s. Things were quite different then. Not only in terms of age, but of culture. You knew you had a boyfriend because he asked you to "go steady" with him. Maybe you wore his ring, or his jacket. He met you after class and carried your books or walked you to your car.
That was then. This is now. How is it done now? Not only that, but how do adults do that? How does that type of relationship even get established?
I asked my daughter. She gave a range of responses. She said sometimes the guy will ask the girl to "go out with him." Other times, it just becomes something that is assumed after a guy and a girl talk alot and become close friends. Taking it to that next level just comes naturally.
So much ambiguity. So much grey. Leaving too much room for manipulation, deceipt. And, before you know it, there I will be back in that same boat I just spent so long trying to get out of.
Is it all worth it? I am not sure I have the stamina for it. I am not sure I have the tolerance for it. I am not so sure I want it. On the flipside, I want it so badly.
Wednesday, September 14
Driven to Distraction
No, believe it or not, I am not in my car. Surprise. So, now you know that this post has nothing to with driving a vehicle, this time.
But, I am distracted. Extremely so today. And I am trying to manage this distraction, whose root is in confusion, while trying to drive my day in a productive fashion.
So far, I have not been successful. I won't be posting any revenue today, that is for sure.
My confusion is confusing. So many sources, like a multi-thread braid or woven cloth. The exception is that this braid, this weave, has no discernible pattern. It is chaotic. Yes, I know chaos has its own pattern if studied closely and for a long period of time. Unfortunately, I can't see the pattern in my chaos yet.
Threads like work, home, finances, personal life, people, kids. And then the less tangible elements like emotions, insecurities, uncertainty...all of which I try my best to control or push away. It is the less tangible elements that cause the most chaos and are the most unpredictable, no matter how much I say I have control.
And then I realize that I am not in control. And that is when the panic starts to subside. Even as I type this, I can feel it lifting. I am not in control; God is in control. He is the only one who can make sense for me from my chaos, who can show me order and pattern in my woven cloth. Maybe even show me a glimpse of the ultimate pattern.
Maybe not. But through it all, He will hold my hand. He is the only one to direct me.
I just have to remember to look for His hand in these times and trust in Him. That is my only true job.
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." ~ Proverbs 3: 5-6
But, I am distracted. Extremely so today. And I am trying to manage this distraction, whose root is in confusion, while trying to drive my day in a productive fashion.
So far, I have not been successful. I won't be posting any revenue today, that is for sure.
My confusion is confusing. So many sources, like a multi-thread braid or woven cloth. The exception is that this braid, this weave, has no discernible pattern. It is chaotic. Yes, I know chaos has its own pattern if studied closely and for a long period of time. Unfortunately, I can't see the pattern in my chaos yet.
Threads like work, home, finances, personal life, people, kids. And then the less tangible elements like emotions, insecurities, uncertainty...all of which I try my best to control or push away. It is the less tangible elements that cause the most chaos and are the most unpredictable, no matter how much I say I have control.
And then I realize that I am not in control. And that is when the panic starts to subside. Even as I type this, I can feel it lifting. I am not in control; God is in control. He is the only one who can make sense for me from my chaos, who can show me order and pattern in my woven cloth. Maybe even show me a glimpse of the ultimate pattern.
Maybe not. But through it all, He will hold my hand. He is the only one to direct me.
I just have to remember to look for His hand in these times and trust in Him. That is my only true job.
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." ~ Proverbs 3: 5-6
Thursday, September 1
Tug of War
God and the devil are in a tug of war. They are tugging over me, over you, over all of us. And the tension on that rope is getting tighter, more intense, impossible to overlook.
I believe in God. I believe God walks with us, guides us, laughs with us, and cries with us. I believe He directs us in His perfect ways, towards His perfect plan. I believe He orchestrates the people in our lives, when they enter and how long they stay, to play the chords that we need to learn. I believe, and believe in, His timing and intent, even when I don’t quite understand it all.
But, as a Christian, I also believe in the devil. I believe it is the antithesis of perfection; unless, of course, you believe in a perfect form of evil. I do. I believe it vies with God’s perfect plan for us by luring us into dark places with the promise of great things. I believe it darts into our lives, like an annoying fly at a perfect picnic with your family on a warm and sunny day. I believe its only intention is to feed off of us, to taste and take what it can get for its own pleasure, its own sustenance. I believe it masks itself. After all, it is the great deceiver.
I believe that sometimes, even though we are in the comfort of God’s grace and peace, trying to survive as we pitch and whorl through the stormy seas, trying to continue to feel the safety of God’s gaze and his grip, that the devil is ever present.
I know the devil picks on the weak, the discouraged, the downtrodden, the anguished. Like a wolf at the edge of the pack, it howls, hovers, plots, and hunts. I used to believe that it picked on only the weak.
But, the past year has taught me otherwise. The devil is conniving. It makes the strong shake and doubt themselves. The devil is a liar. It tells even the strong in spirit that they are not good enough and that God could never accept them with all their ill-begotten ways and nasty habits. The devil is a temptress. It convinces even the stalwart that a crutch can be a good thing; that a crutch can help them get through the pain and the panic. It insists that it feels good, so it must be right.
As it does all this with a smile, it practically hands us the bottle, the credit card, the cigarette, the man or woman we just met in line, the computer, the games we play, the random and unfocused thoughts, the boredom, the lethargy, the anger. All of these things are crucial toys in its bag of tricks.
Even the strong are tempted. They waver. They believe. They sample. They rationalize.
That is when they stray. Some stray far and wide; far away enough to lose sight of God’s path and not hear His voice. Some never return. That is when the devil smiles its biggest toothy grin and marks one off on its list.
Some wander off but go with a safety net; a safety net comprised of friends and family who believe in them, goals, aspirations, basic belief, knowledge, faith, and an eternal open heart. God’s perfection. He already knows and has already provided the support and method by which he can retrieve us.
I have felt the gaze and hot, sticky breath of the devil in my presence the past year more than I have ever felt it before. And, at the very same time, I have also drunk in, during the worst times of my turmoil, the grace of God. I have felt Him in ways I have never felt Him before. I know He has been holding my hand this whole way.
God and the devil are in a tug of war over me. As each day dawns, I pray for peace in that day. Instead, chaos reigns. In that chaos, and in my continued desire to keep on God’s path even if it kills me, I have learned to find peace in places and things where I never sought it before. In the indistinct things; in the things I would have overlooked this time last year.
Is that God’s plan? Is He forging me into something precious? Or is it the devil trying desperately to get its claws in…sunk in deep.
Both.
I don’t know God’s plan for me. All I know is whatever it is, it will be better than I can imagine.
As for the devil, I don’t know its plan either. But, I am here to let it know I refuse, on principle, to believe or follow it anywhere. It might think me weak but its seen nothing yet.
Here is my line in the sand and I will only break to one side.
I believe in God. I believe God walks with us, guides us, laughs with us, and cries with us. I believe He directs us in His perfect ways, towards His perfect plan. I believe He orchestrates the people in our lives, when they enter and how long they stay, to play the chords that we need to learn. I believe, and believe in, His timing and intent, even when I don’t quite understand it all.
But, as a Christian, I also believe in the devil. I believe it is the antithesis of perfection; unless, of course, you believe in a perfect form of evil. I do. I believe it vies with God’s perfect plan for us by luring us into dark places with the promise of great things. I believe it darts into our lives, like an annoying fly at a perfect picnic with your family on a warm and sunny day. I believe its only intention is to feed off of us, to taste and take what it can get for its own pleasure, its own sustenance. I believe it masks itself. After all, it is the great deceiver.
I believe that sometimes, even though we are in the comfort of God’s grace and peace, trying to survive as we pitch and whorl through the stormy seas, trying to continue to feel the safety of God’s gaze and his grip, that the devil is ever present.
I know the devil picks on the weak, the discouraged, the downtrodden, the anguished. Like a wolf at the edge of the pack, it howls, hovers, plots, and hunts. I used to believe that it picked on only the weak.
But, the past year has taught me otherwise. The devil is conniving. It makes the strong shake and doubt themselves. The devil is a liar. It tells even the strong in spirit that they are not good enough and that God could never accept them with all their ill-begotten ways and nasty habits. The devil is a temptress. It convinces even the stalwart that a crutch can be a good thing; that a crutch can help them get through the pain and the panic. It insists that it feels good, so it must be right.
As it does all this with a smile, it practically hands us the bottle, the credit card, the cigarette, the man or woman we just met in line, the computer, the games we play, the random and unfocused thoughts, the boredom, the lethargy, the anger. All of these things are crucial toys in its bag of tricks.
Even the strong are tempted. They waver. They believe. They sample. They rationalize.
That is when they stray. Some stray far and wide; far away enough to lose sight of God’s path and not hear His voice. Some never return. That is when the devil smiles its biggest toothy grin and marks one off on its list.
Some wander off but go with a safety net; a safety net comprised of friends and family who believe in them, goals, aspirations, basic belief, knowledge, faith, and an eternal open heart. God’s perfection. He already knows and has already provided the support and method by which he can retrieve us.
I have felt the gaze and hot, sticky breath of the devil in my presence the past year more than I have ever felt it before. And, at the very same time, I have also drunk in, during the worst times of my turmoil, the grace of God. I have felt Him in ways I have never felt Him before. I know He has been holding my hand this whole way.
God and the devil are in a tug of war over me. As each day dawns, I pray for peace in that day. Instead, chaos reigns. In that chaos, and in my continued desire to keep on God’s path even if it kills me, I have learned to find peace in places and things where I never sought it before. In the indistinct things; in the things I would have overlooked this time last year.
Is that God’s plan? Is He forging me into something precious? Or is it the devil trying desperately to get its claws in…sunk in deep.
Both.
I don’t know God’s plan for me. All I know is whatever it is, it will be better than I can imagine.
As for the devil, I don’t know its plan either. But, I am here to let it know I refuse, on principle, to believe or follow it anywhere. It might think me weak but its seen nothing yet.
Here is my line in the sand and I will only break to one side.
Thursday, August 11
Hope Abounds
I hope you hold her until she sleeps.
I hope your smiles bring her peace.
I hope you're there for her at first light.
I hope you shelter her from her fears, especially the ones that keep her up at night.
I hope you place her on the highest rung of your ladder.
I hope you dwell on ways to please her, appease her, humor and adore her.
I hope your words bring her wisdom that she hasn't thought of yet.
I hope your presence brings her hope.
Even though I know it is not why you do what you do,
Most of all, I hope you are loved, appreciated, and elevated for being you.
I hope your smiles bring her peace.
I hope you're there for her at first light.
I hope you shelter her from her fears, especially the ones that keep her up at night.
I hope you place her on the highest rung of your ladder.
I hope you dwell on ways to please her, appease her, humor and adore her.
I hope your words bring her wisdom that she hasn't thought of yet.
I hope your presence brings her hope.
Even though I know it is not why you do what you do,
Most of all, I hope you are loved, appreciated, and elevated for being you.
Monday, August 8
If Tomorrow Never Comes
Not sure who I initially received this from. It probably doesn't matter...only that it did find its way to me. It has been somewhat of a mantra in my heart ever since.
I originally received this from that nameless someone back in March of 2000. Thinking back, that was less than two years after my father had passed away so suddenly from Stage IV pancreatic cancer. It was roughly a year after my youngest son was born. I was in a period of re-evaluation, quickly approaching mid-life crisis, and unbeknownst to me, approaching the greatest crises of my life. But, at the time, I thought I couldn't feel so much pain, loss, remorse, emptiness as when my dad died.
The words to follow made me revisit how short life is. How thankful and fortunate I was for being able to sit at his feet while he passed into the Light. How very much I would miss him, his wisdom, his calm and cool analysis of any problem, his humor, his knowledge, his life.
It made me reflect on all the times I had taken for granted his presence in my life before that fateful day when we got the news of his mortality. It shot me back to when he had his massive heart attack ten years earlier and how I spent an entire plane ride from New York to California balling my eyes out at the prospect of losing him. Thank God I had ten more years with him: to tell him I loved him everytime I hung up the phone because if it was the last time I ever talked to him, I wanted him to know that I did love him. I didn't want him to die wondering or not having heard my words. This translated to how I treated my children, particularly as they have grown and matured. I don't let a phone call pass without telling them I love them at some point. I don't let the sun set without a kind word or a hug to let them know how happy I am that they are in my life.
It set me to thinking about how we get so caught up in our daily lives. This was before Facebook and iPods, and many gadgets big and small created and used in a way to suck out, chew up, and spit out much of the personal interactions that make us human. It set me to thinking about how we let our daily problems consume us to the point that we forget about that Godly connection to each other that is critical to experiencing Jesus' love in our daily lives. That love and acceptance comes from each other, not from Facebook time or how many songs you can load on your 8000 Gig iPod.
If tomorrow never comes, make sure that you have put down your iPod, your TV or game controller, logged out of Facebook or LinkedIn and told, better yet, shown the special people in your life that you value and love them. Make every moment with them an image of what you would want your last moment with them to be; the last memory that you would want them to carry with them of their time with you.
If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more.
If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day.
If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute or two to stop and say "I love you," instead of assuming, you would KNOW I do.
If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, well I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away. For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we always get a second chance to make everything right. There will always be another day to say our "I love you' s", And certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything I can do's?"
But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike. And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.
So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day, that you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.
So hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear. Tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear. Take time to say "I'm sorry," "please forgive me," "thank you" or "it's okay".
And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.
I originally received this from that nameless someone back in March of 2000. Thinking back, that was less than two years after my father had passed away so suddenly from Stage IV pancreatic cancer. It was roughly a year after my youngest son was born. I was in a period of re-evaluation, quickly approaching mid-life crisis, and unbeknownst to me, approaching the greatest crises of my life. But, at the time, I thought I couldn't feel so much pain, loss, remorse, emptiness as when my dad died.
The words to follow made me revisit how short life is. How thankful and fortunate I was for being able to sit at his feet while he passed into the Light. How very much I would miss him, his wisdom, his calm and cool analysis of any problem, his humor, his knowledge, his life.
It made me reflect on all the times I had taken for granted his presence in my life before that fateful day when we got the news of his mortality. It shot me back to when he had his massive heart attack ten years earlier and how I spent an entire plane ride from New York to California balling my eyes out at the prospect of losing him. Thank God I had ten more years with him: to tell him I loved him everytime I hung up the phone because if it was the last time I ever talked to him, I wanted him to know that I did love him. I didn't want him to die wondering or not having heard my words. This translated to how I treated my children, particularly as they have grown and matured. I don't let a phone call pass without telling them I love them at some point. I don't let the sun set without a kind word or a hug to let them know how happy I am that they are in my life.
It set me to thinking about how we get so caught up in our daily lives. This was before Facebook and iPods, and many gadgets big and small created and used in a way to suck out, chew up, and spit out much of the personal interactions that make us human. It set me to thinking about how we let our daily problems consume us to the point that we forget about that Godly connection to each other that is critical to experiencing Jesus' love in our daily lives. That love and acceptance comes from each other, not from Facebook time or how many songs you can load on your 8000 Gig iPod.
If tomorrow never comes, make sure that you have put down your iPod, your TV or game controller, logged out of Facebook or LinkedIn and told, better yet, shown the special people in your life that you value and love them. Make every moment with them an image of what you would want your last moment with them to be; the last memory that you would want them to carry with them of their time with you.
IF TOMORROW NEVER COMES
If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more.
If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day.
If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute or two to stop and say "I love you," instead of assuming, you would KNOW I do.
If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, well I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away. For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we always get a second chance to make everything right. There will always be another day to say our "I love you' s", And certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything I can do's?"
But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike. And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.
So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day, that you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.
So hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear. Tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear. Take time to say "I'm sorry," "please forgive me," "thank you" or "it's okay".
And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.
Monday, August 1
Personality Traits
For some reason, today I found my way to eHarmony. Call it loneliness, call it boredom, call it curiosity. Whatever it is, I am almost ashamed to admit that I am even visiting. But, the TV ads make it sound so pure and easy. Innocent. The rejected and lonely looking for love in a manufactured environment. Smiling faces of seemingly lovelost souls touting the valor of eHarmony as the only thing that could have brought them together. Like coming together and being perfectly matched by the magic wand of a matchmaker computer program is going to guarantee a lifelong love affair. Check back with us in about 3 years. Possibly 3 months.
I think I was looking to see how it compares to Match.com, where you have to fend off the cubs looking for cougars at 11 p.m. on a Saturday night or the old horny men looking for a hookup with a younger chick. That "chick" would be me. I guess I am young when compared to some of the old fogies who have viewed me there. Barf, I say!
I have categorized Match.com as a meat market, along with the meat market bars in the area that double as clubby eateries during the day. I don't do meat markets well and have long since boycotted them. But, my Match subscription started as a social experiment a few months ago and is not up until September. Hence, I plow on and see what comes of it.
On eHarmony, the first thing you have to complete is a hugely lengthy questionnaire. It starts with selecting your race, religion, income, and self-rating your physical appearance. All usual questionnaire fodder. Oh, and by the way, you also need to rate what you are looking for in a partner. Very egalitarian....but they need to make the magic wand of the matchmaker program work somehow.
The next step in this monolithic questionnaire is the self-description of your personality in step 4. This is where I got stumped. I was happily going along, clicking the appropriate radio buttons for a range of responses between "doesn't describe me at all" to "describes me very well". Traits like leader, follower, opinionated, compasionate, spontaneous were all the no-brainers. But then I stumbled on the radio button for shy, and then stubborn. I started to think: "Under what circumstances?"
Let's take shyness. If you have known me for some time, you know I am not a shy person by any means. But that is because I know you, I feel comfortable with you, with the group, with the situation. Now, remember back to when you first met me ~ as long as it wasn't at bar or party. You know how I can get. I was probably shy, withdrawn, reserved until I got to know you. What radio button do I click for that? "Not at all" would be a lie; even "somewhat" would be a lie because my shyness only applies to the first few weeks. Where is that detail radio button - the one that clarifies under what circumstances I am shy? Doesn't my future potential life partner deserve that information?
And stubborn was another one that I drew a blank on. How do I clarify that I am only stubborn when I am clinging to a principle that means the world to me, but that I can give in to almost anything else and still remain self-assured? I want a radio button for that answer.
The other one that struck me was knowledgeable. I hate to click "somewhat". Who's to say the magic matchmaker wand will understand that I am knowledgeable about the things I want to understand and for everything else I can talk through and learn on the go? I want to see the matchmaker program. Show me the code on how that is handled. May I debug it please?
The questionnaire is only 45% complete and I am already worn out thinking about it. And, when I continue to think about that, why am I even seeking that out....again. I just got out of a wonderful relationship gone horribly awry; a relationship that by all measures was viewed as a match made in heaven by everyone who witnessed it; a relationship that nearly ended up destroying everything in its path.
Why would I be seeking to repeat that? I think I need to think a little more about that one.
For now, my foray remains a social experiment.
I think I was looking to see how it compares to Match.com, where you have to fend off the cubs looking for cougars at 11 p.m. on a Saturday night or the old horny men looking for a hookup with a younger chick. That "chick" would be me. I guess I am young when compared to some of the old fogies who have viewed me there. Barf, I say!
I have categorized Match.com as a meat market, along with the meat market bars in the area that double as clubby eateries during the day. I don't do meat markets well and have long since boycotted them. But, my Match subscription started as a social experiment a few months ago and is not up until September. Hence, I plow on and see what comes of it.
On eHarmony, the first thing you have to complete is a hugely lengthy questionnaire. It starts with selecting your race, religion, income, and self-rating your physical appearance. All usual questionnaire fodder. Oh, and by the way, you also need to rate what you are looking for in a partner. Very egalitarian....but they need to make the magic wand of the matchmaker program work somehow.
The next step in this monolithic questionnaire is the self-description of your personality in step 4. This is where I got stumped. I was happily going along, clicking the appropriate radio buttons for a range of responses between "doesn't describe me at all" to "describes me very well". Traits like leader, follower, opinionated, compasionate, spontaneous were all the no-brainers. But then I stumbled on the radio button for shy, and then stubborn. I started to think: "Under what circumstances?"
Let's take shyness. If you have known me for some time, you know I am not a shy person by any means. But that is because I know you, I feel comfortable with you, with the group, with the situation. Now, remember back to when you first met me ~ as long as it wasn't at bar or party. You know how I can get. I was probably shy, withdrawn, reserved until I got to know you. What radio button do I click for that? "Not at all" would be a lie; even "somewhat" would be a lie because my shyness only applies to the first few weeks. Where is that detail radio button - the one that clarifies under what circumstances I am shy? Doesn't my future potential life partner deserve that information?
And stubborn was another one that I drew a blank on. How do I clarify that I am only stubborn when I am clinging to a principle that means the world to me, but that I can give in to almost anything else and still remain self-assured? I want a radio button for that answer.
The other one that struck me was knowledgeable. I hate to click "somewhat". Who's to say the magic matchmaker wand will understand that I am knowledgeable about the things I want to understand and for everything else I can talk through and learn on the go? I want to see the matchmaker program. Show me the code on how that is handled. May I debug it please?
The questionnaire is only 45% complete and I am already worn out thinking about it. And, when I continue to think about that, why am I even seeking that out....again. I just got out of a wonderful relationship gone horribly awry; a relationship that by all measures was viewed as a match made in heaven by everyone who witnessed it; a relationship that nearly ended up destroying everything in its path.
Why would I be seeking to repeat that? I think I need to think a little more about that one.
For now, my foray remains a social experiment.
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