Christmas Woes

I will be honest with you.

This was not the best Christmas I have ever experienced. In fact, it was probably the worst in many ways.

OK, can we settle on bittersweet? I don't want to complain; there were good and bad parts, as with anything in life.

Things I am thankful for:

• It remains the birthday of Our Savior, Jesus Christ. His birth should be enough to rejoice despite my earthly, human disappointments: His birth, His star, the eternal promise, light and warmth of His love.
• The knowledge that all of my greatest friends were surrounded with their family and enjoying the togetherness that naturally emanates from this season. In my head, I lived vicariously through them.
• I still had my children by my side, with their sweet smiles and embraces of complete love of the purest nature. There are many I know who did not, could not, have their children with them.
• My youngest son did all the decorating this year, solo. He happily and willingly dragged the boxes out, organized, and creatively brightened up the house, inside and out, when I couldn't make myself do it. He asked for nothing more than affirmation at the end that he had done a good job. I couldn't sing enough praise for him no matter how hard I try. Thanks, JJ.
• My daughter thoughtfully gave gifts to everyone in the family AND played Santa at the Christmas tree, when I didn't feel moved to do it. I can't tell her enough how much I appreciate her infectious smile and spirit. Thanks, KK.
• My oldest son didn't dissect my faith. He tried, but backed off of his own volition, therefore preserving the spirit of it. Thanks, B-man.
• I didn't have to suffer in-laws, as much as I love them. Enough said.
• Cooking and clean up was no more extensive than a regular everyday meal. OK, a little more, along the lines of when I cook gourmet. But, much less stress and not too many leftovers. The stuffing only lasted 18 hours.

For each one of these blessings, I give thanks.

Nonetheless, the greater feeling of joy eluded me this year. The fear, the uncertainties, the hovering discord, the longing for happier times...these all haunted my spirit.

Do not despair for me, though, for my faith is strong.

"Faith is confident assurance concerning what we hope for and conviction about things we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

And, there is still Job's example in these troubled times:

"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. In all this, Job did not sin, nor did he say anything disrespectful of God." Job 2:21-22

I still have an example to which to aspire.