For some reason, today I found my way to eHarmony. Call it loneliness, call it boredom, call it curiosity. Whatever it is, I am almost ashamed to admit that I am even visiting. But, the TV ads make it sound so pure and easy. Innocent. The rejected and lonely looking for love in a manufactured environment. Smiling faces of seemingly lovelost souls touting the valor of eHarmony as the only thing that could have brought them together. Like coming together and being perfectly matched by the magic wand of a matchmaker computer program is going to guarantee a lifelong love affair. Check back with us in about 3 years. Possibly 3 months.
I think I was looking to see how it compares to Match.com, where you have to fend off the cubs looking for cougars at 11 p.m. on a Saturday night or the old horny men looking for a hookup with a younger chick. That "chick" would be me. I guess I am young when compared to some of the old fogies who have viewed me there. Barf, I say!
I have categorized Match.com as a meat market, along with the meat market bars in the area that double as clubby eateries during the day. I don't do meat markets well and have long since boycotted them. But, my Match subscription started as a social experiment a few months ago and is not up until September. Hence, I plow on and see what comes of it.
On eHarmony, the first thing you have to complete is a hugely lengthy questionnaire. It starts with selecting your race, religion, income, and self-rating your physical appearance. All usual questionnaire fodder. Oh, and by the way, you also need to rate what you are looking for in a partner. Very egalitarian....but they need to make the magic wand of the matchmaker program work somehow.
The next step in this monolithic questionnaire is the self-description of your personality in step 4. This is where I got stumped. I was happily going along, clicking the appropriate radio buttons for a range of responses between "doesn't describe me at all" to "describes me very well". Traits like leader, follower, opinionated, compasionate, spontaneous were all the no-brainers. But then I stumbled on the radio button for shy, and then stubborn. I started to think: "Under what circumstances?"
Let's take shyness. If you have known me for some time, you know I am not a shy person by any means. But that is because I know you, I feel comfortable with you, with the group, with the situation. Now, remember back to when you first met me ~ as long as it wasn't at bar or party. You know how I can get. I was probably shy, withdrawn, reserved until I got to know you. What radio button do I click for that? "Not at all" would be a lie; even "somewhat" would be a lie because my shyness only applies to the first few weeks. Where is that detail radio button - the one that clarifies under what circumstances I am shy? Doesn't my future potential life partner deserve that information?
And stubborn was another one that I drew a blank on. How do I clarify that I am only stubborn when I am clinging to a principle that means the world to me, but that I can give in to almost anything else and still remain self-assured? I want a radio button for that answer.
The other one that struck me was knowledgeable. I hate to click "somewhat". Who's to say the magic matchmaker wand will understand that I am knowledgeable about the things I want to understand and for everything else I can talk through and learn on the go? I want to see the matchmaker program. Show me the code on how that is handled. May I debug it please?
The questionnaire is only 45% complete and I am already worn out thinking about it. And, when I continue to think about that, why am I even seeking that out....again. I just got out of a wonderful relationship gone horribly awry; a relationship that by all measures was viewed as a match made in heaven by everyone who witnessed it; a relationship that nearly ended up destroying everything in its path.
Why would I be seeking to repeat that? I think I need to think a little more about that one.
For now, my foray remains a social experiment.
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