Forward We Change

Things change. The seasons, the time...these are predictable, welcome, almost comforting.

Other things change but are not predictable, and many times chaotic.

Sometimes changes bring good; sometimes they bring bad.

Most always the unexpected ~

The changes that are for good might even feel bad while they are happening but when looked at after the fact and with an open mind and heart, many times one can see where the change was necessary. As painful and difficult as it was.

Or, at least that is how my faith paints it for me.

Change is on my mind big time today. Change has been pervasive in my life of late. And highly unpreditable. It comes in waves, daily. Sometimes hourly. It messes with my equilibrium. Sometimes it brings me to my knees.

In fact, not many aspects of my old life have escaped change, except for my true family and my true friends. I know they are devoted to me (and I to them) because they are still hanging around.

My home, my job, my sustenance, my stability, my faith, my church, my identity, my relationships. Each and every one of these has seen major elements of change over the past two years, sometimes more than once. Sometimes reversals.

The reversals are the worst. It is during the reversals where I have fear, and doubt. If I am not vigilant, those reversals gain momentum and cause angst.

And not minor changes. Major upheavals....like God decided at this juncture to throw out all except the core ingredients and start all over because I have so screwed up His plan. I can see Him thumbing through His recipe book looking for another recipe, an easier one, one that I won't screw up. Kids Cook instead of Julia Child.

In the meantime, I try to remain reflective. Inspired and inspiring. Relaxed and relaxing. Pragmatic. Accepting. Loving. Open heart. Open mind.

I came across quite a few poignant quotes about change that I would like to share. These, and many more, can all be found at Change Quotes at BrainyQuotes.com. Here are my top 3:

By Bruce Barton, "Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress."

By Denise McCluggage, "Change is the only constant; hanging on is the only sin."

By Frederick Douglass, "If there is no struggle, there is no progress."

No progress can be made by looking back, walking backwards, with eyes behind you. I tried it, on the beach in South Padre. Walking backward, watching my footsteps dissipate in the wet sand. Even on the beach, with few impediments and distractions, I didn't get too far before I stumbled.

When I turned forward, eyes ahead, and changed my focus to what was coming. I did much better. Although I can never hope that my life will be a walk on the beach, complete with pounding surf and speeding seagulls, I can hope that as I keep my eyes forward I will be better equipped to find out what God has planned for me next.

Maybe THAT is His plan.

Understanding Life Continued....

My footsteps are already fading. Into the sand, into the past. By now they are already washed away by the surf.

Each one of those steps I took on the beach this morning represents something from the past, the recent past. A mistake, transgression, lie, evil thought, angry word, averted glance, detour in the wrong direction, over-indulgence in one of my vices.

Each one of those footsteps represents a tear (whether shed or not), anguished thought, and any other time when fear, doubt, weak moment, despair, confusion, chaos have entered my realm and threatened to consume me.

The best part is that all those footsteps are behind me now. The only one who will remember them is me - if I choose to do so - and those who are against me.

It is impossible to walk backwards for too long without stumbling, falling down, or bumping into an obstruction of some kind. If I continue to keep my past footsteps in my memory, it is like I am walking backward, only looking at where I have been. Eventually, I am going to stumble and fall.

I think it's time to turn around and look the other way.

Understanding Life

Life has been quite hectic. I view the last year of my life as my personal "40 days in the desert". Yep, Christ had it much worse than I. He had the devil himself shadowing Him, tempting Him and taunting Him. Then, when He was done with that, He was still beaten, abused, and made to carry, hang, and die on a cross.

No cross for me. And thank you, Jesus, for hanging upon Yours so that I am saved.

Nonetheless, my "40 days" have seemed like an eternity. I have seen the devil peddling his wares at my doorstep: I have been taunted, tainted, tempted, reduced, hated, questioned, overwhelmed, doubted. My children as well. If not for the significant others in my life (you all know who you are!) dragging me back to reality and forcing me to see who is really in charge, I would not be in quite the position I am in.

A good position. I retain an ability to reflect, to rejoice, to give thanks.

I am on somewhat of a short sabbatical now. Solo in search of understanding. Life, peace, grace, meaning. A means to try to make sense of where I have been so that I can pursue where I need to go. Where He wants me to go.

Driving has always been for me a source of calm. And always calm-ER when I am alone. I am alone now. Plenty of alone for the next five days.

YAY!

My six hour drive to my Thanksgiving destination was not as productive in reflection as I would have hoped....until I arrived at my destination. Apparently, reflection was taking place in the background without me knowing. Churning and kneading my thoughts, my emotions, my needs, my wants.

As I settled into my hotel room, it poured from me faster than I could get the computer open and record it all down.

Top 13 Underrated Travel Experiences (no particular order...may come in a future post)

1. hot shower

Living in an apartment always leaves you open to just taking what you can get. Hot water has been a precious commodity the past 4 months, particularly living with 3 other teenagers/adults.

2. Walmart on every corner

Like McDonalds...but when I needed yet another glue kit to re-stick my rearview mirror to my windshield, Walmart in Edna, Texas was there.

3. open door to a large body of water

I love the water! I am drawn to it, moved by it, energized by it. The rage of the Gulf of Mexico pounding within earshot fulfills me.

4. alone time

I am a loner. And not ashamed of that. I need it; crave it. I get crazed if I can't get enough of it. Only with alone time can I think, truly feel, process, intuit. Understand.

5. soul companionship

I once had soul companionship...or so I thought. That has been shattered of late. Not sure if it will ever come again because I have yet to re-define what it means to me.

6. free WiFi

Need I say more...

7. screw top wine bottles

I hate it when I forget to check for the screw caps on the wine bottles. In another life, we wine-drinkers used to poo-poo screw tops as cheap, pedestrian. Now if only I can remember to seek them out....

8. coolers

I'll take my turkey cold cuts, jalapeno cheese, and yogurt over drive-thru any day.

9. a big ass truck in high winds at high speeds (vs. a motorcycle or moped)

Saw quite a few motorcycles trying to lean into the wind over the Queen Isabella Bridge/Causeway. Certainly glad to not have to envision myself  as roadkill on the freeway as a result of a strong wind gust.

10. (did I mention the sight and sound of open water?)

11. a freshly renovated hotel room

Glad to see that some establishments know what is really important. Even though I WAS a bit worried as I approached my room.

12. good musical variety

Good music is one thing. Good musical variety is refreshing, moving, envigorating.

13. A laptap, warm breeze, and the sound of open water

Combine that with #12...perfection.

Light of day is fading...can't wait for tomorrow.