No, believe it or not, I am not in my car. Surprise. So, now you know that this post has nothing to with driving a vehicle, this time.
But, I am distracted. Extremely so today. And I am trying to manage this distraction, whose root is in confusion, while trying to drive my day in a productive fashion.
So far, I have not been successful. I won't be posting any revenue today, that is for sure.
My confusion is confusing. So many sources, like a multi-thread braid or woven cloth. The exception is that this braid, this weave, has no discernible pattern. It is chaotic. Yes, I know chaos has its own pattern if studied closely and for a long period of time. Unfortunately, I can't see the pattern in my chaos yet.
Threads like work, home, finances, personal life, people, kids. And then the less tangible elements like emotions, insecurities, uncertainty...all of which I try my best to control or push away. It is the less tangible elements that cause the most chaos and are the most unpredictable, no matter how much I say I have control.
And then I realize that I am not in control. And that is when the panic starts to subside. Even as I type this, I can feel it lifting. I am not in control; God is in control. He is the only one who can make sense for me from my chaos, who can show me order and pattern in my woven cloth. Maybe even show me a glimpse of the ultimate pattern.
Maybe not. But through it all, He will hold my hand. He is the only one to direct me.
I just have to remember to look for His hand in these times and trust in Him. That is my only true job.
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." ~ Proverbs 3: 5-6
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