Tug of War

God and the devil are in a tug of war. They are tugging over me, over you, over all of us. And the tension on that rope is getting tighter, more intense, impossible to overlook.


I believe in God. I believe God walks with us, guides us, laughs with us, and cries with us. I believe He directs us in His perfect ways, towards His perfect plan. I believe He orchestrates the people in our lives, when they enter and how long they stay, to play the chords that we need to learn. I believe, and believe in, His timing and intent, even when I don’t quite understand it all.

But, as a Christian, I also believe in the devil. I believe it is the antithesis of perfection; unless, of course, you believe in a perfect form of evil. I do. I believe it vies with God’s perfect plan for us by luring us into dark places with the promise of great things. I believe it darts into our lives, like an annoying fly at a perfect picnic with your family on a warm and sunny day. I believe its only intention is to feed off of us, to taste and take what it can get for its own pleasure, its own sustenance. I believe it masks itself. After all, it is the great deceiver.

I believe that sometimes, even though we are in the comfort of God’s grace and peace, trying to survive as we pitch and whorl through the stormy seas, trying to continue to feel the safety of God’s gaze and his grip, that the devil is ever present.

I know the devil picks on the weak, the discouraged, the downtrodden, the anguished. Like a wolf at the edge of the pack, it howls, hovers, plots, and hunts. I used to believe that it picked on only the weak.

But, the past year has taught me otherwise. The devil is conniving. It makes the strong shake and doubt themselves. The devil is a liar. It tells even the strong in spirit that they are not good enough and that God could never accept them with all their ill-begotten ways and nasty habits. The devil is a temptress. It convinces even the stalwart that a crutch can be a good thing; that a crutch can help them get through the pain and the panic. It insists that it feels good, so it must be right.

As it does all this with a smile, it practically hands us the bottle, the credit card, the cigarette, the man or woman we just met in line, the computer, the games we play, the random and unfocused thoughts, the boredom, the lethargy, the anger. All of these things are crucial toys in its bag of tricks.

Even the strong are tempted. They waver. They believe. They sample. They rationalize.

That is when they stray. Some stray far and wide; far away enough to lose sight of God’s path and not hear His voice. Some never return. That is when the devil smiles its biggest toothy grin and marks one off on its list.

Some wander off but go with a safety net; a safety net comprised of friends and family who believe in them, goals, aspirations, basic belief, knowledge, faith, and an eternal open heart. God’s perfection. He already knows and has already provided the support and method by which he can retrieve us.

I have felt the gaze and hot, sticky breath of the devil in my presence the past year more than I have ever felt it before. And, at the very same time, I have also drunk in, during the worst times of my turmoil, the grace of God. I have felt Him in ways I have never felt Him before. I know He has been holding my hand this whole way.

God and the devil are in a tug of war over me. As each day dawns, I pray for peace in that day. Instead, chaos reigns. In that chaos, and in my continued desire to keep on God’s path even if it kills me, I have learned to find peace in places and things where I never sought it before. In the indistinct things; in the things I would have overlooked this time last year.

Is that God’s plan? Is He forging me into something precious? Or is it the devil trying desperately to get its claws in…sunk in deep.

Both.

I don’t know God’s plan for me. All I know is whatever it is, it will be better than I can imagine.

As for the devil, I don’t know its plan either. But, I am here to let it know I refuse, on principle, to believe or follow it anywhere. It might think me weak but its seen nothing yet.

Here is my line in the sand and I will only break to one side.